Emotional Intelligence
Read on my website / Read time: 4 minutes
Product Management happens through people.
As Product Managers, we know we have to influence without authority.
Even product executives - VPs, SVPs, CPOs - can't dictate to the rest of the organization what to do, because they don't report to them. (Unless they are specifically in a P&L GM type role.)
We have to deal with lots of people in different parts of the organization who don't report to us.
But we have to influence them to move in one direction.
This requires a high degree of EQ or emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of others.
At its highest level, it's the ability to perceive and use emotions effectively, both in ourselves and in others.
This isn't about manipulating people.
It's about being able to connect with them. Because it's only when we're able to connect with people that we're able to influence them.
The Importance of EQ
I've found developing my EQ to be a game changer for my career.
- Difficult customers
- Prickly stakeholders
- Difficult employees
- Overbearing executives
I worked for a CPO at a startup who successfully salvaged an incredibly unhappy customer relationship, turning them around into one of our biggest advocates. It was amazing.
High EQ came in especially useful to me during the COVID pandemic when I had to manage a multi-million dollar health system customer who was extremely upset that our technology was hindering their efforts to save patient lives.
While some people naturally have high EQ, it doesn't come naturally to many product managers or even product leaders.
Many of us come from technical or analytical backgrounds. We're trained to value logic, reason, rationality, objectivity, structure, process, method, numbers, data, formulas.
On top of this, in business we're told this is what is valued in decision making. "Bring data," were told. "Bring numbers."
And, for sure, we should.
At the same time, numbers, facts, and logic alone don't win people over. The reality is people connect and believe in others based on emotion.
It's a belief. A gut feeling. An emotional connection. It needs to feel right.
How Leaders Actually Get Results
We like to talk a lot about strategy, tactics, plans, and best practices. Those are all good and certainly important to achieve goals.
Leaders go one level deeper. Here's how leaders actually get results:
Leaders focus on:
- Values
- Behaviors
- Alignment
- Buy-in
They're trying to influence people's thoughts and beliefs.
Because once a person BELIEVES something, it's very hard to shake them.
Belief is ultimately a feeling. It may be informed by facts and analysis. It may be informed by values and a moral code. It may be informed by upbringing or personal experience. Ultimately, it's a feeling.
That's what the best leaders focus on.
(BTW, this isn't a knock on Managers. They play an important role in getting things done. And a person can be a Manager and a Leader.)
Connecting with someone at that level requires an emotional connection. Or, at least an ability to manage the unseen emotional energy that's exchanged in every human-to-human interaction. (Even on Zoom.)
The best leaders are very good at this. And the best Product Managers are too.
Developing Emotional Intelligence
Here are 12 things emotionally intelligent people do:
1. They're guided by their emotions, not controlled by them.
They feel and understand their emotions. They understand and empathize with others' emotions. They don't deny their own feelings or others.
They just don't let their actions be dictated by them.
They understand that the feelings we experience are natural biological signals and feedback. They learn to recognize and acknowledge their emotions, and those of others.
They know expressing one's feelings constructively is healthier than expressing one's feeling negatively.
2. They remain objective, not taking things too personally.
When we take things personally, we're constantly offended.
Even in difficult circumstances, they remain objective, understanding that it's not always about them.
Instead, they acknowledge how others feel and then work the problem, not the emotion.
3. They're always moving forward, not dwelling on the past.
They understand there can be no rewriting of history.
They understand that the past is to be learned from so we can make better decisions in the future.
Rather than dwelling on what happened, they focus on what can be done in the present.
4. They don't jump to conclusions or make hasty decisions.
Hasty decisions are usually made based on in-the-moment emotional reactions.
Instead, before reacting, they pause to consider all options before making a final decision.
They form an opinion or make a judgement based on an objective look at all angles before coming to a conclusion.
5. They don't avoid difficult conversations or shy away from conflict resolution.
People with emotional intelligence know the only way out of a tough situation is through it.
They know conflicts are a part of life. They know running from difficult conversations doesn't work and that open dialogue is essential for building strong relationships.
They understand some degree of constructive disagreement is healthy for progress and are willing to work through differences.
6. They protect privacy and do not engage in gossip.
The act of gossip is detrimental to both those who gossip and those who are gossiped about.
They recognize that it's critical that others' privacy be protected, and they will only share positive and constructive things about them with other people, if and when necessary.
7. They take responsibility and don't blame others.
Blaming others is the fastest way to lose credibility and authority.
Rather than blaming someone else for their mistakes and abdicating responsibility for their actions, they acknowledge and own their mistakes.
8. They lift up others.
Putting others down is a high risk, low reward activity. It's very likely to come back to bite us.
Instead, they recognize that building others up is the quickest way to motivate people, improve the world, and build lasting connections.
9. They don't ruminate on negative thoughts.
Negative thoughts come to all of us. You can choose how you response to negative thoughts.
Instead of dwelling on self-doubt or pessimism, they identify these unhelpful thought patterns and find constructive ways to channel their energy.
10. They are not guided by fear.
Fear is a basic human survival emotion. We can't escape it. We should honor fear. But that doesn't mean we have to always obey it.
Rather than acting based on fear, they take a rational approach, weighing all the factors before making a long-term decision.
11. They don't get caught up in power struggles.
There is no good outcome to power struggles.
They understand the importance of respect and cooperation in all relationships, and do not attempt to control or coerce other people or outcomes.
12. They don't take shortcuts.
There's no such thing as a shortcut.
They accept that consistent work, commitment, and perseverance are necessary for achieving long-term success.
Takeaway
Developing emotional intelligence takes time, effort, and deep self-reflection. It requires:
- Self-awareness
- Social awareness
- Empathy
- Active listening
- The ability to honestly reflect on your own emotions
- Seeking feedback to understand your impact on others
- Forgiving yourself when you make mistakes
This can be uncomfortable. I promise you, the journey is well worth it. It will not only make you a more effective Product Manager, but a powerful, maybe even beloved, leader, and a fantastic human being.
That's it for this Saturday.
